Children and young people who have experienced trauma often display emotional, behavioural, social and developmental difficulties related to those experiences. These difficulties can be very challenging for those caring for them. . Having an understanding of how trauma affects children’s behaviour can help you to know how to respond in helpful ways.

The information and resources on this page will assist you to understand trauma and develop practical strategies for trauma-informed parenting.

If you need more support with responding to challenging behaviours, talk to your child’s case worker about holding a care team meeting to discuss your needs. There are therapeutic supports available to you and your child, and the child’s case worker will be able to assist you to access these.

What is trauma?

Trauma is the physical, emotional and psychological stress response to experiences of fear, threat or violence and neglect.  The impact of trauma can have long lasting impacts on health and wellbeing.  Children are particularly vulnerable to long term effects of trauma because their brains are still developing. Trauma can significantly impact on children’s healthy development. When children experience harm caused by their caregivers, it impacts on their ability to trust the safety and connection of relationships.

Trauma can impact on all aspects of children’s development including their self confidence, ability to relate to others, ability to regulate their body and emotions, memory, feel safe in their body, focus and concentration and behaviour. ‘Developmental trauma’ is the term used to describe the impact of trauma on a child’s development. Because developmental trauma occurs within relationships, it is within the safety of healthy relationships that healing needs to occur.

Children that have experienced trauma will often display behaviours that challenge. Some of these behaviours have evolved as coping strategies, which kept them safe in the past. Often behaviours are also related to a child having an internal system that has been used to being vigilant to signs of threat. Children who’ve experienced trauma can be very quick to engage a ‘fight or flight’ response when their brains perceive threat. It can take time, nurturing, predictability, a lot of support and many, many experiences of feeling safe before a child  can learn to not use these behaviours.

What signs might I see in daily life?

These resources will further assist in understanding trauma responses in children and young people:

Trauma responses by age

What can I do to help?

For children and young people who have experienced trauma to have the best chance of healthy development, it is a priority for them to experience safety and stability in relationships. Carers play a vital role in creating safety and stability, by ensuring a child has many experiences of safety within their everyday interactions with children. For example, prioritising safety can include:

Physical safety

  • Notice and meet your child’s physical needs quickly and assertively.
  • Notice when your child has a change of state (hungry, tired, hot, cold), explain what is happening to them, and offer a solution.
  • Accept and respect your child’s bodily limits whenever possible (e.g., not wanting to have a hug, not liking certain foods or textures, not wanting to wear shoes around the house).
  • Make home life as predictable as possible. Refer to : Building a safe environment
  • Explain what is going to happen next and provide some transition time (in ten minutes it will be time wash your hands and then sit down for dinner).
  • Acknowledge that it’s hard when the routine has to change.

Relational safety

  • Be physically and psychologically present for your child. Set aside at least a few minutes every day when you put down your other  demands and sit with your child to engage and connect.
  • Be aware of your non-verbal communication (posture, facial expression, tone of voice). Your child is likely to have a highly developed threat detection system and will notice your non-verbal communication more than you realise.
  • Use affirming language about your child, your relationship, and the experiences you have together out loud (I’m happy to see you, it’s nice sitting here with you, I was thinking about you earlier when I saw….,I like it when you tell me about what happened at school; your joke really made me laugh etc.)  Here is a great infographic with 25 ways to encourage.
  • Show your child that you enjoy their presence. This might look like greeting your child with a smile at the beginning of the day and after separations.
  • Avoid jokes or playfulness that rely on mocking, teasing, or sarcasm.
  • Acknowledge any unhelpful expression of feelings you might have and explain that they don’t threaten your relationship. For example: "Sorry if I seemed angry just then. I was frustrated that [chore] wasn’t done. But I want you to know that doesn’t change how I feel about you. I love you and I believe that you’re doing the best that you can" OR "I might seem a bit on edge today. I’m nervous about something that’s going on at work. I want you to know that this isn’t your fault and it doesn’t change how I feel about you.”
  • Engage your child using playfulness, acceptance, curiosity, and empathy. This is a great explanation of what is meant by PACE.

Further resources

Children who have experienced trauma have more difficulty managing their emotions and getting along with others, than their regularly developing peers.  Calm, predictable and nurturing adults are required to support your child to learn to manage their own emotions. When children grow in environments that are threatening or scary to them, they do not learn to manage their emotions.  Children may have learnt that emotions are themselves scary, if they have not been responded to in a nurturing and responsive way when they have had ‘big feelings’. These children and young people need adults to support them to manage their feelings, similar to what might be required of much young children (like toddlers and infants), supporting them to manage with the help of an adult, before they can learn to manage on their own.

Children or young person who experience developmental trauma can demonstrate behaviours that are confronting and distressing for carers to manage. Times of stress and developmental changes can trigger these behaviours. Some of these behaviours may emerge as the child progresses through developmental stages.

These behaviours are often the ‘tip of the iceberg’, signalling emotions or needs that drive the behaviour from underneath. These fact sheets can help caregivers understand why these behaviours are happening and provide practical strategies for how to work with them:

Additional resources

Your wellbeing is integral to your role as a carer. When you are able to keep yourself calm, your child is going to be better able to manage their emotions. There are many resources to assist you in maintaining your wellbeing and practicing good self-care. One of the most effective ways you can look after yourself is to use the support of your DCP and/or agency support worker and connect with other carers. You can find further information about this on the DCP Support and advocacy page for carers.

  • Take time for yourself. The Anna Freud National Centre for Children and Families  has some helpful tips and strategies explaining why this is so important and how to manage this in your busy life.
  • Building your community of care. Connecting with other carers is a great way to do this, and Connecting Foster and Kinship Carers SA can help you with this. Understanding more about the isolation that you can feel as a carer might be helpful (Coping with Loneliness and Social isolation as a carer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jGAQ_IPJQw&t=2167s)
  • Managing stress is an important element of self-care and you need to find what works for you.  Apps like Smiling Mind have guided meditation and mindfulness techniques which can help to support you to manage your own emotions and keep your body calm. There are also some great tips and additional resources on the Raising Children Network.
  • Seek support. As a caregiver of a young person with trauma, it can be very stressful at times. Seeking therapeutic support to help you in your role of caring can be helpful. This might look like learning more about what is going on for your child, or talking through some of the challenges that you face in caring for your child. Talk with DCP or agency support worker for ways that you can seek your own support in your caring role.

Identifying and preventing burn out is key to your wellbeing and there are some great resources on avoiding burnout. If you feel very stressed and need urgent help or advice, call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or Beyond Blue on 1300 224 636.

Connection to family, culture, community and Country is crucial to the health, wellbeing and healing of Aboriginal children in care.  It is important to be aware that when Aboriginal children experience trauma this may include impacts of inter-generational trauma within their family and community. A child needs support and motivation from their carer, family and community to start and continue their journey of healing.[1] At the core of healing for Aboriginal children is strengthening their bonds to, and where necessary re-connecting them to, Aboriginal people and culture.

(broken link) To follow are resources that can support carers to understand trauma and provides advice on key issues for Aboriginal children and young people in care.